I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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