I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He better not be in your backpack
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
