How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
