you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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