yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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