I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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