so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
