Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
