Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
