i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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