no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
