oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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