I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
