So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
