I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize