So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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