Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
