I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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