You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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