So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
