I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
