You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
