i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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