I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
