I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
