She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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