I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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