please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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