she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Your penis caused this!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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