I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
