Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
