Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
