He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
