Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
