I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
