So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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