I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How naked do you want me to be?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
