Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
