I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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