I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
