brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
