How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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