he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
