just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize