Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
