we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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