But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
