When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
