just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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