Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
