maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
