omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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