i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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