im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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