I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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