The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
