Screwed.edu
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
