the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
