my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
