I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
