i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
