The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
