Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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