I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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