I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
