Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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