his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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