life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
