38 yer olds are good kisserssss
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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