so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
