Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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